The Sex Positive Coach

Inara de Luna, Relationship Coach & Sexuality Educator

Blog

Love & Courage: Do You Have Enough Heart to Love Well?

Posted by inaradeluna@gmail.com on February 17, 2015 at 10:05 PM


Love is wonderful, it feels so good; but love is not enough to make a relationship successful. Relationships take time, attention, energy, work, and courage…oh so much courage. It takes courage to open up, to share one’s deepest self, to expose one’s vulnerabilities. It takes great courage to take risks with one another, to trust another with your wounded bits. It takes courage to listen and hold space for another. Courage, which means “with heart,” is one of the greatest things a person can bring to relationships. Do you have the courage to love? To trust? To risk? Do you have enough heart to expose your weaknesses? To be fully present for someone else while they expose theirs? Are you brave enough to withhold judgment? To explore your own dark places? To walk with another through the shadowy parts of their psyche?

 

Courage can be developed. Courage is not about not feeling fear. On the contrary, learning to “feel the fear and do it anyway” is the subject of a whole book (or several) and anyone who has ever worn the title “hero” can attest to the truth of this concept. Relationships can be incredibly scary, because they require us to open up, be vulnerable, expose our fears, hopes and dreams, and trust that the person we’re in relationship with doesn’t take advantage of us or hurt us or abandon us.

 

Unfortunately, those things do happen, to all of us. And knowing that can make the fears even worse. But you have a choice. You can choose to let those fears overwhelm you and keep you from the possibility of knowing the joy that can come from experiencing a deep, intimate, trusting relationship...or you can grasp that fear by the horns and ride it all the way through to the other side. The thing about feelings, and this includes fear, is that they are fleeting, they pass. If we allow them to. By fighting them or trying to ignore, dismiss, or stifle them, we give them energy to persist and sometimes worsen. But going ahead and allowing yourself to feel the feelings, even the fear, and learning to accept them without becoming attached to them...this will allow the fleeting sensations to fade and to eventually disappear altogether.

 

Once you decide not to allow fear to rule you, and you gather up your courage and take the risk, you will be blessed with a variety of experiences, all of which will teach you about yourself, your desires, your limits, and your expectations in a relationship. And once you’ve found one worth investing in, having the courage to take risks WITHIN the relationship will deepen your connection. The act of exposing your vulnerable bits to someone who has proven to be trustworthy serves to strengthen the trust between you, which also cements your bond to one another. It is when a partner shows up and accepts you for ALL of who you are, even the bits you normally keep hidden because you find them unacceptable for whatever reason, THIS is when you know that the love is true, that the connection has the potential to last.

 

Categories: relationship health

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