The Sex Positive Coach

Inara de Luna, Relationship Coach & Sexuality Educator


The blog of The Sex Positive Coach provides relationship tips and tidbits of information about sexual health, while also promoting the author's belief that all humans deserve love and pleasure, and that all genders, sexual orientations, relationship structures, and consensual sexual activities are valid. Sometimes the posts here are objective and somewhat academic in tone, but ocassionally an issue will arise that provokes a more emotional response. Please take what works for you and leave the rest. We appreciate any sharing, liking, commenting, pinning, or promoting you feel inspired to do to help us get the word out about who we are and what we have to offer.

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Using the Breath and the R.A.I.N. to process your emotions

Posted by [email protected] on October 16, 2015 at 8:30 PM Comments comments (0)

I have always been emotionally volatile. I often made adults uncomfortable growing up because my tears were always quick to flow. I was told to “grow up” and to “act your age.” Sometimes I heard, “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about!” I was taunted by classmate...

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How a Coach Can Help You Assess the Viability of Your Relationship

Posted by [email protected] on July 9, 2015 at 8:05 AM Comments comments (0)

"How do I know if this relationship is right for me anymore?” Mary* asked.


“The fact that you’re even asking the question means that you probably already know the answer,” I responded.


We spent the rest of the hour going through the specific reasons why she was feeling unfulfilled. To...

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BDSM is to assault as sex is to rape

Posted by [email protected] on April 10, 2015 at 5:25 PM Comments comments (0)


I recently had a discussion with someone who is relatively new to the Scene, who was trying to figure out if it’s actually okay to be kinky, to enjoy being hit. This is a person who works with domestic violence victims and has been having a hard time wrapping her head around the lifestyle and her own desires.


So I aske...

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On My Own Terms: You Have the Right (and the Power) to Protect Yourself From Toxic Interactions

Posted by [email protected] on April 7, 2015 at 4:35 PM Comments comments (0)

How do you reclaim your sense of personal power after a breakup, especially one in which you lost your sense of self or power or esteem? One of the ways in which to do this is to decide to deal with things on your own terms. Sometimes this means setting extreme personal boundaries regarding contact of any kind. Sometimes this means learning when to let (or make) things roll off your ...

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Painful Sex & Endometriosis Awareness Month

Posted by [email protected] on March 2, 2015 at 7:00 AM Comments comments (0)

Did you know that March has been deemed Endometriosis Awareness Month? What do you think your awareness levels of this disease are? For instance, did you know that at least 6.3 million women and girls (about 1 in 10) suffer from this condition in the U.S. alone? Did you know that it typical...

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What COULD Work? Insights into Relationship Negotiation from Kink & Polyamory

Posted by [email protected] on February 25, 2015 at 1:35 PM Comments comments (0)

I recently co-presented a mini workshop/demo on how to negotiate a BDSM scene prior to engaging in one. And with the #50Shades movie still garnering a lot of attention, from both within and without the BDSM community, I thought this might make a good blog post, as well.


Engaging in negotiation in non-sexual and non-kinky contexts is diff...

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50 Shades of F**ked Up - Analyzing Christian Greys Internalized Kink-Shame

Posted by [email protected] on February 24, 2015 at 4:00 PM Comments comments (0)

Internalized kink-shame is very real


One of the criticisms of this movie is how the main characters portray how negatively they feel about kink, even while doing it. Anastasia’s horror at what Christian does only serves to reinforce this traumatized man’s feelings of sha...

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All Shades of the Gender Variant Spectrum Are Welcome Here

Posted by [email protected] on February 23, 2015 at 1:10 PM Comments comments (0)

Recently I was asked if I work with transgender people. The answer is a resounding YES! I believe in the right to own your Self, no matter what. I believe that all people should be able to define and label themselves, based on their own interpretation of who they are. I find deep satisfaction in helping people learn to delve within to answer those...

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The Hidden Gift of Jealousy

Posted by [email protected] on February 19, 2015 at 12:00 PM Comments comments (0)

The Hidden Gift of Jealousy


A recent set of studies, published in the Psychology & Sexuality journal, and reporte...

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Misusing Our Privilege in the 50 Shades Debates

Posted by [email protected] on February 18, 2015 at 3:20 PM Comments comments (1)

Wow, I just watched Eve Ensler’s TED talk on reclaiming your inner girl, and I find myself feeling humbled, enraged, and inspired, all at the same time. I am humbled by the harsh awareness of how privileged I am, that no matter what I have suffer...

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