I have always been emotionally volatile. I often made adults uncomfortable growing up because my tears were always quick to flow. I was told to “grow up” and to “act your age.” Sometimes I heard, “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about!” I was taunted by classmate...

"How do I know if this relationship is right for me anymore?” Mary* asked.

“The fact that you’re even asking the question means that you probably already know the answer,” I responded.

We spent the rest of the hour going through the specific reasons why she was feeling unfulfilled. To...

I recently had a discussion with someone who is relatively new to the Scene, who was trying to figure out if it’s actually okay to be kinky, to enjoy being hit. This is a person who works with domestic violence victims and has been having a hard time wrapping her head around the lifestyle and her own desires.

So I aske...

How do you reclaim your sense of personal power after a breakup, especially one in which you lost your sense of self or power or esteem? One of the ways in which to do this is to decide to deal with things on your own terms. Sometimes this means setting extreme personal boundaries regarding contact of any kind. Sometimes this means learning when to let (or make) things roll off your ...

Did you know that March has been deemed Endometriosis Awareness Month? What do you think your awareness levels of this disease are? For instance, did you know that at least 6.3 million women and girls (about 1 in 10) suffer from this condition in the U.S. alone? Did you know that it typical...

I recently co-presented a mini workshop/demo on how to negotiate a BDSM scene prior to engaging in one. And with the #50Shades movie still garnering a lot of attention, from both within and without the BDSM community, I thought this might make a good blog post, as well.

Engaging in negotiation in non-sexual and non-kinky contexts is diff...

Internalized kink-shame is very real

One of the criticisms of this movie is how the main characters portray how negatively they feel about kink, even while doing it. Anastasia’s horror at what Christian does only serves to reinforce this traumatized man’s feelings of sha...

Recently I was asked if I work with transgender people. The answer is a resounding YES! I believe in the right to own your Self, no matter what. I believe that all people should be able to define and label themselves, based on their own interpretation of who they are. I find deep satisfaction in helping people learn to delve within to answer those...

The Hidden Gift of Jealousy

A recent set of studies, published in the Psychology & Sexuality journal, and reporte...

Wow, I just watched Eve Ensler’s TED talk on reclaiming your inner girl, and I find myself feeling humbled, enraged, and inspired, all at the same time. I am humbled by the harsh awareness of how privileged I am, that no matter what I have suffer...